*WHY DON’T THEY GET IT?
Managing Emotions When Others Don’t Match Your Pace
When you have invested effort into becoming proactive and self-aware, dealing with those who seem less prepared or disengaged can be exasperating.
You might find yourself stepping into a parent or manager role without meaning to, and when people misunderstand your intentions, you can feel torn between helping and letting them figure it out.
If this resonates, you are not alone. Here is how to approach these situations without compromising yourself or alienating others.
1. Be Selective About Your Energy
One of the hardest lessons is recognizing that not every problem requires your intervention. Before jumping in to fix or solve something, ask yourself a few questions:
Is this really my problem to solve?
If I let them figure it out, will it cause harm or inconvenience?
Do I care enough about this to expend energy?
Sometimes, stepping back and letting others struggle through a situation is the best move, not because you do not care but because managing their process is not your responsibility. Save your energy for the people and situations that truly need your input.
2. Communicate Strategically
When you decide to step in and offer help, communicating can make all the difference. If your insight feels like a command or critique, people may become defensive or feel talked down to, even if your intentions are pure. Instead, frame your suggestions in a way that feels collaborative, like this:
Instead of: “This is what you should do.”
Try: “Here’s something that’s worked for me—what do you think?”
This approach allows you to share your wisdom without compromising the other person’s autonomy, making it more likely that they will receive your input positively.
3. Accept That Not Everyone Thinks Like You
This one can be tough, but it is essential: Not everyone moves at your pace or thinks the way you do—and that is okay.
You have trained yourself to anticipate problems and find solutions quickly, which is a skill not everyone possesses. Their slower approach or lack of foresight does not mean they are incompetent; it just means they are on a different journey.
Allowing people to grow at their own pace, even when inefficient, can free you from unnecessary frustration.
4. Give Yourself Permission to Shine
Sometimes, you may feel pressure to dim your light to make others feel more comfortable, but this only leads to resentment. Do not feel guilty about stepping up if you know the answer or see a solution.
The key is balancing confidence with tact. By being mindful of how you communicate and staying grounded in your intentions, you can assert yourself without making others feel small. There is no shame in being capable, and you do not need to apologize for it.
5. Reframe Your Perspective
Instead of viewing other people’s struggles as a reflection of your responsibility or a sign of their inadequacy, try shifting your mindset:
From: “Why don’t they just get it?”
To: “They’re moving at their pace, and that’s fine—I don’t have to manage them.”
From: “If I don’t step in, it’ll all fall apart.”
To: “Their struggle doesn’t mean I’m responsible—I can focus on me.”
This reframe allows you to release the pressure of taking on other people’s shortcomings while keeping your energy centered on what truly matters.
The Bottom Line
You have worked hard to become the person you are who is proactive, considerate, and self-assured. But not everyone will match your level of growth, and that is not a failing on your part or theirs.
The challenge is finding balance: knowing when to help and when to let go, learning to communicate in ways that empower others, and staying true to yourself without overextending.
By mastering this balance, you can protect your energy while allowing others the space to grow at their own pace.
JAH
